Do you struggle with knowing your Worth? It may be Childhood Emotional Neglect

By | November 13, 2019


[music] Hi, guys! It’s Marshall here
with this week’s Sanity Check. This week I’m going to talk about a concept
called Childhood Emotional Neglect. I’ve touched on it a few times in previous
Sanity Checks, but this is an important topic. Especially if you’re struggling with codependency, insecurity, or anxiety, or even
a high sensitivity to rejection. What Childhood Emotional Neglect
is is the systemic indifference of a parent to the child. Now this kind of neglect
can happen in a variety of ways. It can be done with total silence,
they just don’t care, or have an interest in your world as a child:
your interests, your fears, your anxieties, your feelings,
your hopes, your joys. They may be critical of those things.
They may attack them; they may diminish them. They may praise you, but
not necessarily engage you emotionally. Like, “Oh, that’s really cool,” and then they go back to
reading their paper, or doing whatever they’re doing. Neglect comes in a variety
of forms, and it happens to all of us. But when it becomes systemic–when it’s
an actual experience of the relationship on a predominant level–we as
children begin to experience trauma that way. Trauma is a sense of not belonging, abandonment,
wondering if we matter. ‘Cause, you know, abandonment
–and especially with narcissistic abuse– a lot of times we walk out of that going,
“Am I enough? Am I valuable?” and, “Do I matter?” Well, Childhood Emotional Neglect creates
the same kind of experience for the child. “Do I matter? Am I interesting? Am I loveable?” Because we model our value as a child
based on the response our parents give us over time. And that’s the key here. We’re gonna have moments. If we’re a parent,
we know that [laughing] we don’t have all the time in the world to give the children. But we make an effort to make a long-term investment,
so that they know that they’re loved, they’re valued, and they’re a priority. Well, in this circumstance, it’s reversed. The parent gives us moments of praise, moments of love, moments of inclusion, but between those points
are loooong deserts of nothing. Either it’s filled with criticism,
indifference, emptiness… but there’s no engagement, there’s no connection. And we begin, as children, to struggle with
what it means to be loved, or to be valued. We don’t gain an insight into the mundane of our life. Because the mundane is
where the secret is, for thriving intimacy. That’s kind of the magic here: the mundane. Your everyday experience is
valued by people who care about you. They want to know how you
felt when the sprinkler didn’t work. They want to hear about your story about
the old lady at Wal-Mart that kept bumping into you. They want to hear about the
weird co-worker at, y’know, work. That kind of stuff. They want to know how you feel about it. They want to know what you’re thinking about it
and what it means to you. ‘Cause that’s genuine–what I call
“mundane”–emotional intimacy. Because life is dominantly boring, but within that, if someone’s in love with you,
or you’re in love with someone, those things become magical. They feed us in a way in which
we feel connected with them. We want to know more of that,
and hear about it. That’s what we lose when we
don’t have a parent that’s actively engaged in our well-being or in what works for us, see. So, what I want you to do this week is
take a moment and check in with how well you have felt recognized, seen, and valued
by your parent. Do it on a scale of 1 to 10: One being: “They didn’t really engage
with me, I’m not sure if they loved me. I believe they loved me,
but I don’t necessarily FEEL it.” And ten being: “Oh, man, they loved me. I know
that they were engaged, they asked me about my day, they would take time to spend with me,
talk to me, we’d hang out, we’d do fun things. We had our
own little things that were precious to us. I know I mattered to them.” Okay? So I want you to kinda gauge it that way. And if you find that you’re at a seven or below, let’s reach out. Let’s connect. Let’s see what we can do to help tune that up and help
you grieve what was not given to you in your childhood, and begin to expand you in this. Now, if you want to learn more about this concept, check
out Jonice Webb’s book called “Running on Empty”. She’s a psychologist that’s specialized in this,
and I love her material. I teach her material with my coaching clients,
and I’ve used it personally for myself. And it’s one of the most powerful concepts and books
out there for this topic. So give it a shot. I have it linked above or below, depending on if this
is on Facebook or if this is on YouTube. Okay. Thank you, guys.
I just thank you for being a part of my world. My world’s expanding because of you.
You guys have invested your time, your energy, and some of you have
signed up with me, you work with me, and you’ve contributed to me and to my
purpose in life in a huge degree. And I’m just so excited that you’re part of it.
And I’m grateful you’re part of it. So this holiday season, let’s have some fun!
There’s some exciting stuff coming up. I’ve got a “For Love of Money”
course being released in two weeks, and sign-up is listed above or below, obviously…
whether we’re on Facebook or YouTube. And then I’ve got a rejection course,
“Get Over Rejection Now” coming. And then the Ten Laws are coming, and the
Mastery in the Closure Technique is coming. So there’s a lot of stuff coming over
the next three to six months here. It’s going to be exciting, and I know we’ll transform
your life, because it’s transformed mine, and it’s transformed the lives of
hundreds of my clients. So, okay, guys. We’ll talk soon.
We’ll see you next week. Have a great Halloween, and have a great day. Bye bye.

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