The Ups and Downs of Anxiety Blankets – You Up w/ Nikki Glaser

By | August 15, 2019


Andrew, what is
going on with the … What’s going on? You’re doing this thing
with your … Oh, am I? Oh. He does this anxiety thing and I
can’t, it’s giving me anxiety. I didn’t even … oh, it is?
What is this? Okay. I just …
What are you doing? He does the thing
where it’s like … I’m counting the money I guess?
I don’t know. You know when Italians go
“Mamma mia?” For our listeners,
that’s what he’s doing, just quietly in his lap. Oh, that would drive me nuts.
Kind of just … I can see it out of the corner
of my eye and it bugs me. And I know it’s your anxiety,
I don’t know what you’re feeling anxiety about right now,
can we talk about it? Yeah.
I’m good, I’m good. I was just very quiet
for like a half an hour so I just have to do
something with that energy. No you don’t, you really don’t. You know?
I don’t need any of this. I have all that energy,
I gotta get it out. So I put it in my thumbs
and my index finger. Let me just say … It’s like you have Jewish
Tourette’s and this is your tic. Yeah, look at me, like Shylock. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. Give me a pound of your flesh. Yeah, yeah. Shekels … Ew! Andrew does … I gave him an anxiety
blanket the other day ’cause Pete Lee gave me
for my birthday last year … Did you wrap it
around his throat? Yeah, yeah.
Not yet. It’s an anxiety blanket,
it’s a noose? It’s cool, real comfortable. We’ve all seen these
on Instagram, the really heavy blankets? Oh yeah, yep.
They’re so … It’s so heavy, Nik. This thing weighs 50 pounds. Wow.
I mean, it’s so heavy. It’s like getting an X-ray,
it’s like a lead blanket. Exactly.
That’s what it feels like. You should do some hip thrusts
while it’s on top of you. Yeah.
Oh, to practice fucking? Yeah? Herd some cows,
I mean, I don’t know. Ew. That actually would be … The thought of you fucking
makes me wanna vomit. Thank you. No, it feels like a light
dead man is on top of you. A dead man with like cancer
is laying on top of me. I can’t stand when Andrew talks
about pussy or fuck, like you’re … ‘Cause he’s a doughy bitch. You haven’t eaten in nine years,
shut up. Let’s make this easier, what
do you like about Andrew, Nikki? Oh, I’ll tell you,
I’ll tell you so many things. Because this list of things
you don’t like is just … That’s a really
nice question, Shuli. It’s like the Torah, we’re
unfurling this fucking thing. Yeah, usually she just
breaks down all my negatives. Okay, then let me build … What’s in the pros?
What’s in the pro list? Okay, obviously like I don’t
have people in my life who are just only irritate me.
So he … You’re special. He brings a lot to my life. Coffee … So far, by the way, she’s been
talking for 40 seconds, hasn’t mentioned
one thing yet. Kerryn, I’m gonna fuck you up.
Go ahead. I’m gonna fuck you up, Kerryn. Let’s fight, bitch.
I’ll fight you right now, I will fuckin’ whoop
that ass on camera. I’ll smoke you. I will throw you through
the fucking camera. My goal is to destroy
this show form the inside and then leave
and never return. Okay. Here are great qualities
about Andrew. I have him around
because he does feel, at times when
he’s not anxious, he feels like
a support animal to me. Like will be very …
he will soothe me. Andrew, that was a compliment,
by the way. Heads up. It is, it’s a total compliment.
He feels like … ’cause when I spike
in my anxiety, that’s when
he gets super chill. Oh, that’s good. And he will counteract
whatever I’m feeling. But when I’m too chill,
sometimes he gets anxious and I can’t have that. Who needs that?
Like it doesn’t … and it would be fine
if you were paying me, but I’m paying you.
So … Right, right.
Can I ask a question? Yes. Are you gonna get a chip
put in him in case he gets lost? You should. She does put a little red cape
on me when we get on the plane. Yeah, that is good.
Yeah, it’s great. “He’s my support Andrew!” A little vest. Yeah, yeah, a little vest. “Mind your business!” She’s gonna give me
to her mom soon. Oh, and also … Oh my God, that was mean. Oh, just … I would love
to give you to my mom. You just every once
in a while check in on me. You would love that,
you would love my mom. You would like me more
if I was in St. Louis, you would actually
like think about me more. You’d be like, “Oh, wow,
I actually did like Andrew.” I don’t think about you at all when you’re not on
the road with me. Like I don’t. Sometimes I’m like,
“Oh, I wonder how he is,” but I think
I’d be okay if we … I don’t know, I don’t think
you’d get by. Honestly, you do bring a ton
to my life. You’re one of my best friends, you’re my road companion,
you are so funny. No one’s funnier than
Andrew Collin like on the fly. You point a camera at him …
when I post on stories, if you’re listening
and you watch my stories, Andrew doesn’t need
second takes. He is always funny. I never have to erase a video,
when I put it on him, he is 100% funny
all of the time. He makes me laugh all of
the time when he keeps it light. The other day he was like
kind of in his phone and I go, “Yo, you need to be like,
stop being antisocial like you need to be funny
around me right now ’cause I need
your energy of funniness.” So you bring … Also known as,
“Dance, monkey, dance.” Exactly.
That’s right. Exactly. Yeah. And I actually danced,
I did. I actually did a … He literally got up and danced. He was like,
“Oh, you want some of this?” And I go, “Yes!”
Of course! That is the mood
that I would like backstage. But sometimes you’re
on your phone so much that I don’t know
when you want my dancing. I’ll tell, I’ll yell at you. She’s on her phone
getting you gigs probably. I’ll yell at you … Kerryn … And I’ll tell you. Don’t you dare ruin this for me. There’s a new show on VH1,
Love and Set Times. This is all I have, Kerryn.
You know that. What have you got there,
an empty water? Enough. And Andrew brings
great stories to my life, I’m not out there
hooking up a ton. Like I thrive on his
like fun hook up stories, I think that’s really fun. Yeah. He’s also so nice,
like he’ll always build me up. He thinks of good ideas
for my career, he was the one to suggest to me
that I go do Tom Segura’s podcast,
Bert Kreischer’s podcast, Theo Von’s podcast, which led me to have hundreds
of thousands of new followers. All because Andrew was like,
“Hey, you should probably try maybe doing a podcast
while you’re in …” Do you get a tax write off because he has
a speech impediment, he’s like a handicapped kid? Kerryn, Kerryn … What? I like that Andrew’s at home
going, “Nikki, go do a bunch of shit,
it’ll help you.” Yeah, I know.
“Get us new followers!” I don’t wanna fuckin’
do it myself, like no, they won’t
answer my email. “Nikki, get off, get your ass,
fly somewhere, do some stuff, and then come back.” Yeah, come back
and give me money. Sometimes I will ask him
when we come back from the road, he could just go back
home to Brooklyn but instead he comes
to my place and he’ll help me carry my bags
up four flights of stairs. That’s nice. And then he’ll spend the night
on my couch and I honestly
want him to because I get scared after
watching the Ted Bundy tapes. Yeah. I don’t like being
a single girl alone so it’s nice
to have like someone for Ted Bundy to murder … First, yes. First, on the couch,
under an anxiety blanket. Little does she know …
little, yeah, yeah. I’m gonna move that last one
off the pros list and put it on the cons. Ted Bundy will try
to like kill me … That’s a good point, Shuli. But like the blanket
will save me. No, Nikki’s like sleep
in this wig. Yes, yeah. But Andrew does me the favor
of staying the night, a lot of times it’s sleeping
on the couch uncomfortably. Yeah, some would say that maybe
I’m doing him a favor by letting him crash
in Manhattan for the night, but actually I like
when you’re there. And you know that
I need that, obviously. And you know I won’t murder you
’cause I’m too lazy. Yes, you won’t murder me,
you won’t molest me, you won’t do anything weird.
He’s just a really good friend and also you put up
with a ton of abuse and I appreciate
that in a friend. I don’t see any of that. I have never had that
in a friend. This is how she is in front
of people, she’s different
behind close doors. Am I?
She’s meaner? She’s way nicer, yeah,
yeah, yeah. She’s meaner. No, I snapped at you
so hard the other day because he walked
into my hotel … You snap in the morning
before you get your coffee, that’s like your big time, that’s like your time
to like really shine. And I’m just like
I don’t wanna be anywhere … He showed up at my hotel
the other day to pick up my phone
which was broken ’cause he was gonna take it
to get repaired while I was going to do
Nick Viall’s podcast. Nick Viall, by the way,
has a podcast, I’m on it. It’s called Viall Files,
it drops today, check it out. But I was going to record that,
my phone wasn’t working. I said, “Andrew, can you come
over and take my phone?” Ten minutes.
I was there 20 minutes later, I was 15 minutes away. I didn’t shower.
I ran out, I got there … Yeah. He acts as my assistant because I pay you
to do such things. Yeah, yeah, no,
I’m not complaining. Right. It might sound like complaining,
but I’m not. So he gets there,
he gets to my hotel room and I’m trying to like
figure out everything, get dressed, get ready. I’m kind of like rushing,
I’m not in a great mood. He’s there and it was really
nice of you to zip over there so quickly,
like that was awesome. You were like such a hero
in that moment. But then I turn around and he’s eating
one of my protein bars … Oh, mother fucker! Just mid bar. First of all, there’s 45 bars,
there’s 45 bars! Doesn’t matter,
she wanted that one! This is the thing,
this is the thing. Just because I have 45 bars
doesn’t mean I didn’t pay for those 45 bars. Each one I paid for,
they aren’t free. I ran, I skipped breakfast! Just because there’s
an abundance doesn’t mean they’re free. I skipped breakfast
to get to you. So I turn around, he’s mid bar,
and I go, “Ask first, ask first.” Yeah. I go, “Did you ask?”
and he goes, “No.” “Sorry.” Why do you have to give me
that voice? You know, I sound like I’m … I go, “Just ask.” And that was all, but again,
I was projecting. Because oftentimes
when I have friends that have
an abundance of things … But you’ve given me open range to the protein bars
in many other settings. Yes. So then this setting,
where I thought I came in, I’m the hero, I deserve maybe
a little protein bar. You weren’t wrong,
you weren’t wrong, but it irritated me so much
to see you just gnawing on one of my protein bars … Gnawing, just sucking it
with my mushy mouth, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, your mushy
like toothless mouth. You only chew in like the front
of your mouth too. He doesn’t have teeth
in the back. Yeah. You know how many teeth
I have, Kerryn. Right, right, right. You’re still not on solid food,
how’d you eat that protein bar? Either way,
it’s all smoothie based. It’s really, it’s very … I bring my own blender. She’s like “You put the protein
bar in the blender again? It’s so loud
and it’s the morning!” Can you tell you why this is … He was sucking on this bar
and it was just like the way he was like eating it,
it was just … These are all of the good
things about me. Yeah, we’re still
on the compliments section. I screamed at him, I just go …
I didn’t even scream at you, I go, “Ask first,
just ask next time,” and then that got us started
on a bad foot for that day and I take full credit.
Because I was only projecting because I’ve been someone
who takes things without asking from
my rich friends, Amy Schumer. Like I’ll just go
into her kitchen and grab whatever the fuck
I want because I’m like,
“She won’t notice.” It’s almost bothersome
to be like, “Hey, can I have these chips?” When she’s like “Yeah,
you can have …” like I don’t give a fuck, have
chips, you know what I mean? Yeah, ’cause you don’t want
that reaction either of asking a person
and them be like, “Why are you asking?
You know I’ll give it to you.” Exactly. So I understand. Except for this one time where
I’ll make you feel horrible. No, just ask. And then all day I felt
so much anxiety. But then yes, okay. So then we came back from LA,
were we in LA? Where were we, who cares? Who knows, man. We came back from the road
on Monday and we get back, he spends the night. Tuesday morning,
yesterday morning, I woke up early,
I go to the gym. He’s on the couch.
I come back and I walk in and you at one point
hear me like stirring. I’m trying to be quiet so that you can like sleep
through the morning. And you turned on the couch,
like you turned your back to me and there was a wrapper of a
protein bar stuck to your back. I didn’t take a picture of it
’cause I felt … You eat it that way?
That’s weird. You in the middle of night … Through my kidney dialysis?
Dialysis? Princess Diana. It was just the grossest, it was
the same kind of protein bar that he had stolen
the day before … Ew, ew. And it was stuck to his back
and just kind of falling off. Dude, I put it in my pocket
’cause I didn’t want you to know I ate it in the middle
of the night. No, you were busted brother,
you were busted. You didn’t ask, not to be,
like you couldn’t have asked. If you would have
knocked on my fucking door in the middle of the night … That’s what I’m saying,
you’re womanizing in there. To be like, “Can I have
a protein bar?” I would’ve hated you even more,
but I hated seeing that loose wrapper
stuck to your dirty ass back … So gross. Under your anxiety blanket,
it enraged me. And I wish
I would’ve taken a picture ’cause it was just so sloppy
the way it was hanging off … You guys realize you’re
a married couple, right? Yeah. The bickering, the little shit
that upsets you … Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
We’re not having sex. And the fact that
nobody’s fucking … Yeah, no one’s fucking.
All those factors, this is like I’m listening to the shit
you’re doing, I’m going … I got a wife
and two beautiful girls, I barely want to do half
that shit for her and she lets me
bang her, you know? Yeah, yeah.
I know. She’s kind enough that way. No, she’s doing me a favor
by not letting me bang her. That’s why I do
all these things. I think everybody’s winning. Yeah, I think your wife is
messing up by banging you. Yeah, well, believe me … No, Andrew is like … I do acknowledge
and I talk about it a lot with my other friends,
like I’m really mean to Andrew and I need to pull it back
because I just … Nah, you’re fine.
He can take it. I don’t know … you can
take it, that’s the thing. Are you okay? I think so, I don’t know,
maybe I’m sad, without knows? I mean, until he snaps.
And then … He has confronted me
about it before and been like, “You’re a bitch,” I don’t think you’ve said,
but you’re right, I’m a bitch to you sometimes. And it’s because
I don’t know why and I’m working on it,
I wanna tell you that. And currently
I’m not working on it, like this has just been real … Not in this segment, right. No, no, this has all been … Not in this segment, I refuse
to do any work on air. This is the crescendo. By the way,
a good friend of mine used to treat his assistant
like this, David Spade,
and that ended just fine, okay? So don’t worry about it. Oh, he killed himself?
Did he kill himself? No, he tried to murder him. No, he fuckin’ tried
to kill David Spade in the middle
of the night. Yeah. I told you,
I told Nikki I would kill her but I’d just be too lazy
to get rid of the body. I don’t know
what I would do … You’re not into cardio,
you wouldn’t … it’d be too much. It’s a four story work … yeah,
I’d be too tired the next day. Dude, if Andrew
murdered someone … we were talking about like,
I go, “How would you dispose
of a body?” With his saliva, he would
just drown them with his spit. You’ll die eventually. What is this dynamic? I need to put this together
because … Oh, we hate each other, yeah.
We hate each other. Wait, how do you know … Get in line, Kerryn. Have you just known
each other from … Kerryn Feehan is here. I know, I know.
He’s so fun to hate. You hate me now, Shuli?
What the fuck’s going on here? Have we always hated each other or were we friends
for like a second? No, I’ve hated you
right from the start, yeah. Okay, thank you.
Thank you so much. Yeah, I didn’t,
there was something like an aura about you.
Have you guys ever hooked up? There’s like
that kind of vibe here. No, no, no. No, no, I would not, she’d burn
a condom with her pussy. It would be bad,
it’d be terrible. I wouldn’t go near it. You use condoms?
You fuckin’ loser. With you, I’d use fuckin’ nine. Thank you. I would need girth
for that big … no. ‘Cause you have tiny dick,
is that … Yeah, yeah,
’cause I have a tiny ass … Just announce your tiny … You have a tiny pussy, you
bragged about it all the time. I was born with my pussy shut
and I am very proud of it. I would be so proud of that. She is, I know.
Are you serious? Thank you.
It’s called vaginal fusion. Yep. Right? And so you
had to have it cut open? Well, my mom had to put
topical cream on me like every day
when I was born. And then you had
to fuck 45 comics. 46, 46. I had to open it up, Mom. Dude … And now it’s open forever. What’s the condition
called again? Vaginal fusion. What a great band name. It sounds like a restaurant. A band name. Hello Cleveland! Sushi Fusion, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, vaginal fusion,
when did you … was sex really painful
for you at first? Yeah, yeah.
It took me like two … my high school boyfriend, like we tried to have sex
like three times, I could never. I didn’t lose my virginity
til I was in college ’cause we just couldn’t
get it in there. Wow. Oh my God. Did he ever take
a running start? Just fuckin’ charge it? Just like one of those gymnasts. Guy rushes you like
he’s at a NFL combine workout. “Stay there.” Alright, we’re timing you on
this, let’s see some movement. No, I didn’t break my hymen
til I slept with my hip hop teacher
when I was in college. Ah, well, enough said. Do you know that you are
right now on the top 10 like trending searches
on Porn Hub? Did you know that? I know, I know. Did you just
see that on your own? No, no. Somebody told me
that Monday night, I was like oh my God. It’s so weird. You don’t love it?
I’d be stoked. I mean, I love it but I wish
I had some content on there. I don’t have any yet. I was gonna say, what the fuck
you got on there? Nothing’s coming up,
I could be getting these hits. Fire up the phone right now. They’re just looking and looking
and looking and nothing … I don’t know what they’re
looking for, there are … I’m so jealous. Oh, it’s so super flattering. It was after your Conan, so I bet you it had
something to do with that. That dress was so fuckin’
killer, man. Thanks, dude, thanks.
You do a show every month called Stand Up And
Take Your Clothes Off. Yes. Do you get full on naked
for that? No, no, no.
No, I hire burlesque. I have stand up comics and then I have burlesque acts,
they get naked. I’ll flash a tit
if I have my period, but … Good for you. Right, if you have your period,
because it’s like a full? Bigger. ‘Cause it’s bigger, yeah.
“‘Cause they’re bigger.” Because your vagina’s
fused together so you’re bleeding
out of your tits? “I guess I’m … I guess
I must be on my period.” I know, it must be menstrual. Wait, so I love you on Instagram because you’ve got it
and you flaunt it. And I’m 100 years old. And you do, I mean,
you are hot on Instagram and I respect that so much because I would like to be hot
on Instagram and be like … You are.
Me too. And be like, well, no. There’s sometimes I get out of
the shower and I wanna like … Yes. But you do like you will be
semi nude on Instagram. Yeah, sure. ‘Cause you, girl, you’ve got it. You have got it and I appreciate
what I see and I’m never judgmental of it. I’m like I wish I could do that.
How can you do that? Here’s my dilemma when I post
something that is just like “I look hot right now,”
is that … other comedians
are gonna screenshot it and then text it to each other
and be like, “Glaser thinks she’s hot.” Yeah, thinks she’s fuckin’ hot, like what’s funny
about this picture? Like what’s funny about that,
all she wants is male attention, it’s not about the jokes,
she’s not funny. 82% of my Instagram followers
are men. Sorry, I mean … And then they cum
all over their phone and they stop talking about you. I know, it’s like I guess
that’s the … I’ve played that out and you’re right, Shuli,
that’s how it ends. Yeah, that’s 100%. “Look at this fuckin’ …
who does she think she is? Uh. Alright, well, that’s enough
about Nikki, let’s move on.” Right, yeah. I guess it’s female comics
I’m worried about. Female comics are the ones. Yeah, sure. And those follows
have dropped off and that’s fine.
Like I feel it … I don’t know. Oh, you see … you know what,
my friend Kelsey Cook also posted a picture where she
was like pretty nude in it, but she was saying
like I’m owning it. Like she had this whole
statement about it and she said she lost
so many followers because she posted something
that was a little bit more … you think you would gain! Oh yeah, it happens
all the time. Sometimes I think it’s like guys
that are married or in relationships
and their girlfriends see and they’re like
“Unfollow her.” Yeah, sorry about that.
Oh, yeah. But she has jokes,
she has jokes. She’s got jokes, yeah.
I swear. I guess I’m just like …
I’m an alcoholic, right? So like my new addiction … Bragger. Thank you.
Like I fuckin’ work out. Are you an alcoholic who drinks? No, I haven’t had a drink
in nine months. But I’ve relapsed
many times. Sure.
I’ve seen it. I have a tattoo that says
don’t serve me. You’ve seen me drunk? Yeah.
Oh, cool. Wait a second, talk to me … About the shitty tattoo? It’s in dancers’ script,
it’s beautiful. Okay. I relate to so much
of what you’re saying, I wanna just back up
a little bit. When did you first get sober? Probably like five,
six years ago. Okay. I’ve gone like two
and a half years and then I relapsed
for six months. Got it. Two and a half years,
relapsed for a year. Okay. And now I’m nine months
and a few days. How were those relapses
because I … A fuckin’ blast … I love a relapse for a year. Like that’s not a re …
that’s like a new life. What do you mean? She’s taking her time,
she’s doing it right. I respect it. “I relapsed for nine years
and then died of old age.” Tell me, because I’m seven
and a half years in. Right. And just drinking, I smoke weed. I’ll smoke weed too. Okay. So … Right, then neither of you
are sober. Go ahead. We didn’t say that,
I said I was an alcoholic. Yeah. We didn’t say sober,
I don’t drink. No, no, that’s fine. Yeah, I have to be very …
like I do not drink but I do not consider myself
sober by any means. No. I just announce
I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t drink right now. But I believe
in marijuana management even though AA doesn’t. Yeah, that’s my problem
with AA … Same. … is that people don’t feel
comfortable going back there when they’re smoking weed when they really need
a support system. Totally. And they feel ostracized because they’re doing
this other thing … They say it in the beginning. That is not as dangerous! Yeah, at all. They say it in the
beginning of every meeting, if you have taken
any mood elevators, you’re not allowed to share. It’s like well fuck you, I got
stoned to tell you my stories. Yeah, and actually
they’re gonna be better. Yeah, but meanwhile …
I don’t know about that. A fuckin’ stoned share,
you’re there for 35 minutes going,
can we wrap this fuckin’ up? It’s like she’s just eating
munchkins at this point. We’re still at Taco Bell
in this story, what’s going on? So what led you
to have these … can you pinpoint
what led you to relapse? Because there are times
where I go, “I could just have one drink.”
Right, right, right. Is that it?
Yes. Is that that feeling?
Is that the funk? Yeah. I’m like a textbook alkie
in that sense where like my brain
does work that way. It’s like, “I’ll just have like
a 15 dollar glass of sauvignon blanc, it’s like expensive,
you’ll just have one.” And then cut to like
a month later, I’m doing shots of tequila
before I go to work, like it’s insane. Right, yeah. So you really … It’s like textbook,
like I’m like a snowball type and then it gets worse
every relapse. But like I also …
I’ve fallen on my head, I got eight stitches on my
forehead like a while ago. Here? I will fucking karate chop you
in the neck. But yeah, so … Why did Andrew push you? I know.
She was telling a weed story. They do, my relapses do seem
to happen after breakups but it’s not even like a,
“Oh, I’m so sad, like I miss that guy,”
it’s a “This is a great excuse.” To meet someone new.
To go back. And out.
Yeah, yeah. Well, first of all,
when you get out of a breakup, you’re single again.
Meeting guys and hooking up and all of that
is so wrapped in drinking. Totally. And when you’re dating and you
don’t drink, it’s weird,
people find it weird. Totally, right. And it is weird because
it’s hard to become intimate with someone
for the first time when you don’t have
that lubrication of drinking. Exactly. So that makes sense why you
would kind of ease back into it when you’re newly single. Yeah, totally. So you had some bad bottoms
where like was the stitches where you go,
“I need to quit?” That was a bottom, yeah. And then that was like
my first time like not drinking for two
and a half years. And then I got banned
from The Stand. Oh, yeah.
I remember that. I called Patrick Milligan
a fat F-word to his face. Good for you. He just … like I just started
getting paid spots again there. I mean, not good for you. And he goes, “You’re the first
person who’s been banned, has gone from banned to paid,
like ever,” come back in … Well that just shows the power of just you’re
a good person and alcohol makes you a bad person. Yes. And when you remove it,
then you’re back to that. Exactly. And funny trumps
being a drunken asshole. That’s it actually. When you’re a comic. When
you’re in the audience, never. Yeah, never. Right, right. Okay. So you were talking about,
there was something else … so now when you’re sober
you get addicted to other things which I very much relate to. Yep. And you say that working out now
is kind of like an addiction. Yeah, yeah.
What’s your … I’m at Equinox every day. Same.
I’ll take any of the classes. I’m not very disciplined,
like I see you, you’re like disciplined
like you can like run and like be on your own
and do stuff. Right. I need to be in a group setting
like competing with others. Like I need a couple fat Asians
behind me to feel good and like get my pump on. I’m addicted to working out
right now too, not because I’m trying
to like look good, it’s just like
something to do that isn’t smoking weed
or having anxiety. Shopping, ’cause I’ll do that,
I’ll just blow all my money. Or sleeping all day.
Yep. Yeah, it just makes me,
it’s something … shopping, absolutely. The locker room yesterday though
was on fire with hot girls. There’s so many hot girls
in Williamsburg, ugh. I got back from the gym … Alright, now we’re talking. When I discovered
old wrapper back over here, I got back and I go … This is what I got. I’m talking to you, he’s got
his wrapper on his back … Protein sciatica. The funny thing is I don’t know
which bar it is. Like I’m trying to figure out
which bar it could be. There’s like so many back there. So I told Andrew, I was like, “Dude, there was a girl in the
locker room that was so …” do you ever get
in the locker room and you go, “I am so lucky right now,
men would kill to be …” Kill to be surrounded
by these hips, by these perfect tits,
these asses everywhere. And it’s just like
you’d imagine. I feel like you guys
are punching me in the face right now.
I don’t like this. This girl yesterday was, I’m not joking you,
she was in … I don’t wanna say stockings,
not stockings. Please do. But like leggings that you get
in an egg, like 80s leggings. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Sheer black leggings
and a really short skirt but the leggings were up to here
and a short skirt, topless, just no top,
just brushing her hair and doing her makeup
for an hour. And this girl’s tits
were insanely perfect. Insane, I know. I know. I was trying to look so hard because I was so turned
on by it. I stare, I can’t help myself. I couldn’t help but stare. Here’s how I stare,
I have a trick. Okay. When you’re blow
drying your hair, put your head through your legs
so you have a low line of sight, no one can see you looking.
You have the whole Serengeti … I’ll try it, but it’s gonna look
weird, blow drying my hair,
but I’ll try it. Shuli blow drying his hair. Wait, are you naked
when you’re blow drying? Because then you’re giving … No, I’m a girl who just
I at least wear a bra. I’m not one of these girls
that goes just top … like you don’t need to blow dry
your hair without a shirt on. I do, I actually do
’cause I sweat. You’re a flaunter. I’m a sweater. Oh, I’m a huge sweater too.
But I put a towel or something. Yeah. My boobs, I’m not mad
about my boobs, so they’re fine. And
they don’t bother anybody … Me too.
They’re small. Keep making that face Andrew,
I’m coming over there. What face, what are you …
He just went ew, ugh. No I didn’t, when did I do that? Yes, you did.
It’s a tic. We’re all … you’re checking
out girls in there too, right? Oh, all the time.
Are you gay? No.
Are you bi or anything? I wish.
I’m not either. I would die to be. I would like to be as well. Can one of you guys crawl on the
table and just start fucking? I know, I feel like … Like the scene from Requiem
for a Dream? Ass to ass. I feel like we’re about to start
filming the White Snake video. You have your womanizers,
grab ’em. But I check out women
all the ding dong time in there and I’m loving it. Of course, of course.
And I wonder about, I’m like, “Where do they get
these hips sometimes?” Like I’m hipless,
I’m like their bodies are … No you’re not,
you have great hips. I have a but but no hips.
I’m like how do they do it? That’s just bones,
they’re just born like that. Shuli, your dick is awesome. Andrew, your asshole
is tight as a drum, bro. Dude, your hard nipples
just make my dick just rock hard, Shuli. Dude, I’d give you
pink eye in a second. Oh, I’d fucking cum
on your bald head. This is what’s happening
in 24 hour fitness locker rooms. Oh yeah, right, exactly. You check out that guy’s hog
over there? This is crutch talk. He’s blow dryin’ his nuts. This guy just stood up
and his balls were just dangly
and skin and loose. I feel grateful for working out
at Equinox. The level of hotness
both in LA ’cause I go to LA ones
and New York is insane. And I’m like, guys would kill to
see what I’m killing right now. And I try to like
capture it in my mind and maybe I’m trying to
get kicked out of Equinox by saying that I …
that’s the only way to get out of your contract
is to like break the rules so I’m trying
to put it out there. You know what else
I use Equinox for? What?
To shave my puss. Hell yeah. I fuckin’ nicked my taint
the other in there, though. Oh my God, it stung when I peed,
I was not ready for that at all. Oh, that’s the worst. When you just like
cut your labia like off. Ah, you poor things. You’re like, “Well, alright,
this is …” “Can we biopsy this
while we got it?” Poor darlings.
What you go through. Yeah, I really use … I love amenities, I lube up
with that lotion. The keels, the keels. Oh yeah, I drink it. I let my hair grow out
pretty intensely when I’m not hooking up
and then when I feel an impending hooking up,
that’s when I shave it all off. And that’s a lot of clean
up in your bath ’cause once it drains like
there’s a ring of hair around. Oh yeah, yep.
It looks like you … it’s a lot of clean up
and I thrust that on Equinox. I go that’s what I’m paying for
is to damage their … Absolutely. That lady with
the suck vac walking around. Oh, the suck vac, yes. Do you ever do this
when you’re done? I’m like put that on my clit. Clean my pubes, people!
Hello! I was doing Brazilians
for the longest … No more. What about waxing? That’s it. He’s so stupid. I know, I was thinking
that joke. I didn’t even get it. Shuli G, February 27th. I was, I was thinking
about saying that joke. That’s a great joke.
Yeah, it was great. That was great, Shuli. So good, really good. Thanks guys, I’m outta here,
I gotta go jerk off. See you guys! See you at Equinox. You’re watching the Outtakes
with Nikki and Andrew. Are you using that as floss?
That is not okay. You share that with people,
that is a bag that you go, “Do you want any …”
repulsive. I used to do it with dog bags. Ew, it’s on his tooth. This isn’t a time to brag
about other bags you use, it’s a time to be like, “This never happens,
I needed it.” Anything can be floss,
anything can be floss. Yeah, when you have the gap
in your teeth like you’ve had. You’re … oh my God. We have to figure out what we’re
using on our social media pages. Okay, yeah. We have to go
through these pictures, we did a photo shoot, these are the pictures
that Noa has chosen. She went through ’em all for me
because I did not wanna judge. Yeah, you don’t like
doing those. No, I don’t. So these are the ones
we’ve selected and we just have to pick
which ones go where. We need one for like reception, so what do you want people
to see when they walk in? Like when they walk in here. Okay. So let’s look for that one. I’m dying for your input. No you’re not, you hate it. No, this is actually
interesting to me. That’s too hot, that’s like
if I was coming out with like a Shakira type single. Yeah, I don’t think that’s you. I get like you should
do something outside your comfort zone, like what people don’t expect,
I get that. So what are we looking for? What do you think
that is my vibe? I’ll find it. You’ll know it when you see it?
Well, we’re running out. How many did you do? Keep going. No. Why isn’t that my vibe?
Why isn’t that my vibe? I just think it’s like too much
of a smile, it’s too big of a smile. I’m a happy person. Are you? Yes. That is the vibe of the show,
we are having that much fun. Yes, that’s fun, I like that. That is me laughing at you. I like that more
than the other ones. Okay. No. I like that. That’s the one, I like that
one the best so far. Yeah. I see like You Up with Nikki
Glaser on the side. Because that’s fun,
it’s also sexy, it’s like … I don’t know,
I like that one. The way you say sexy
couldn’t be said sexy … Sexier less? Sexy less.
Yeah. Say it again. You look so sexy there. Ew, I can see food. I can see it on your tongue,
it’s like a film. Yeah, I have … I learned to brush my tongue
though this year. That just got to you, that news? I had no idea.
Right. You brush your tongue? Yeah. I do it if I want
my breath to smell extra fresh. I like that one and that one,
these are my choices. What do you think? I like that one. So what do we need
to put them in? We need one for reception,
we need podcast art, and then we have to refresh
all our socials. Okay, okay. So I guess like three different
pictures out of these. Okay, so reception
I think should be this ’cause who cares? Why don’t I just look happy
and pretty, all my bosses
are walking around here, that’s who’s gonna see it.
Howard Stern might see this … Yeah. And be like she seems … I like it. You look fit. This could be good for … I honestly am trying
to think now what would Howard
Stern want for me? Yes, let’s do it that way. but it’s not even like a,
“Oh, I’m so sad, like I miss that guy,”
it’s a “This is a great excuse.” To meet someone new.
To go back. And out.
Yeah, yeah. Well, first of all,
when you get out of a breakup, you’re single again.
Meeting guys and hooking up and all of that
is so wrapped in drinking. Totally. And when you’re dating and you
don’t drink, it’s weird,
people find it weird. Totally, right. And it is weird because
it’s hard to become intimate with someone
for the first time when you don’t have
that lubrication of drinking. Exactly. So that makes sense why you
would kind of ease back into it when you’re newly single. Yeah, totally. So you had some bad bottoms
where like was the stitches where you go,
“I need to quit?” That was a bottom, yeah. And then that was like
my first time like not drinking for two
and a half years. And then I got banned
from The Stand. Oh, yeah.
I remember that. I called Patrick Milligan
a fat F-word to his face. Good for you. He just … like I just started
getting paid spots again there. I mean, not good for you. And he goes, “You’re the first
person who’s been banned, has gone from banned to paid,
like ever,” come back in … Well that just shows the power of just you’re
a good person and alcohol makes you a bad person. Yes. And when you remove it,
then you’re back to that. Exactly. And funny trumps
being a drunken asshole. That’s it actually. When you’re a comic. When
you’re in the audience, never. Yeah, never. Right, right. Okay. So you were talking about,
there was something else … so now when you’re sober
you get addicted to other things which I very much relate to. Yep. And you say that working out now
is kind of like an addiction. Yeah, yeah.
What’s your … I’m at Equinox every day. Same.
I’ll take any of the classes. I’m not very disciplined,
like I see you, you’re like disciplined
like you can like run and like be on your own
and do stuff. Right. I need to be in a group setting
like competing with others. Like I need a couple fat Asians
behind me to feel good and like get my pump on. I’m addicted to working out
right now too, not because I’m trying
to like look good, it’s just like
something to do that isn’t smoking weed
or having anxiety. Shopping, ’cause I’ll do that,
I’ll just blow all my money. Or sleeping all day.
Yep. Yeah, it just makes me,
it’s something … shopping, absolutely. The locker room yesterday though
was on fire with hot girls. There’s so many hot girls
in Williamsburg, ugh. I got back from the gym … Alright, now we’re talking. When I discovered
old wrapper back over here, I got back and I go … This is what I got. I’m talking to you, he’s got
his wrapper on his back … Protein sciatica. The funny thing is I don’t know
which bar it is. Like I’m trying to figure out
which bar it could be. There’s like so many back there. So I told Andrew, I was like, “Dude, there was a girl in the
locker room that was so …” do you ever get
in the locker room and you go, “I am so lucky right now,
men would kill to be …” Kill to be surrounded
by these hips, by these perfect tits,
these asses everywhere. And it’s just like
you’d imagine. I feel like you guys
are punching me in the face right now.
I don’t like this. This girl yesterday was, I’m not joking you,
she was in … I don’t wanna say stockings,
not stockings. Please do. But like leggings that you get
in an egg, like 80s leggings. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Sheer black leggings
and a really short skirt but the leggings were up to here
and a short skirt, topless, just no top,
just brushing her hair and doing her makeup
for an hour. And this girl’s tits
were insanely perfect. Insane, I know. I know. I was trying to look so hard because I was so turned
on by it. I stare, I can’t help myself. I couldn’t help but stare. Here’s how I stare,
I have a trick. Okay. When you’re blow
drying your hair, put your head through your legs
so you have a low line of sight, no one can see you looking.
You have the whole Serengeti … I’ll try it, but it’s gonna look
weird, blow drying my hair,
but I’ll try it. Shuli blow drying his hair. Wait, are you naked
when you’re blow drying? Because then you’re giving … No, I’m a girl who just
I at least wear a bra. I’m not one of these girls
that goes just top … like you don’t need to blow dry
your hair without a shirt on. I do, I actually do
’cause I sweat. You’re a flaunter. I’m a sweater. Oh, I’m a huge sweater too.
But I put a towel or something. Yeah. My boobs, I’m not mad
about my boobs, so they’re fine. And
they don’t bother anybody … Me too.
They’re small. Keep making that face Andrew,
I’m coming over there. What face, what are you …
He just went ew, ugh. No I didn’t, when did I do that? Yes, you did.
It’s a tic. We’re all … you’re checking
out girls in there too, right? Oh, all the time.
Are you gay? No.
Are you bi or anything? I wish.
I’m not either. I would die to be. I would like to be as well. Can one of you guys crawl on the
table and just start fucking? I know, I feel like … Like the scene from Requiem
for a Dream? Ass to ass. I feel like we’re about to start
filming the White Snake video. You have your womanizers,
grab ’em. But I check out women
all the ding dong time in there and I’m loving it. Of course, of course.
And I wonder about, I’m like, “Where do they get
these hips sometimes?” Like I’m hipless,
I’m like their bodies are … No you’re not,
you have great hips. I have a but but no hips.
I’m like how do they do it? That’s just bones,
they’re just born like that. Shuli, your dick is awesome. Andrew, your asshole
is tight as a drum, bro. Dude, your hard nipples
just make my dick just rock hard, Shuli. Dude, I’d give you
pink eye in a second. Oh, I’d fucking cum
on your bald head. This is what’s happening
in 24 hour fitness locker rooms. Oh yeah, right, exactly. You check out that guy’s hog
over there? This is crutch talk. He’s blow dryin’ his nuts. This guy just stood up
and his balls were just dangly
and skin and loose. I feel grateful for working out
at Equinox. The level of hotness
both in LA ’cause I go to LA ones
and New York is insane. And I’m like, guys would kill to
see what I’m killing right now. And I try to like
capture it in my mind and maybe I’m trying to
get kicked out of Equinox by saying that I …
that’s the only way to get out of your contract
is to like break the rules so I’m trying
to put it out there. You know what else
I use Equinox for? What?
To shave my puss. Hell yeah. I fuckin’ nicked my taint
the other in there, though. Oh my God, it stung when I peed,
I was not ready for that at all. Oh, that’s the worst. When you just like
cut your labia like off. Ah, you poor things. You’re like, “Well, alright,
this is …” “Can we biopsy this
while we got it?” Poor darlings.
What you go through. Yeah, I really use … I love amenities, I lube up
with that lotion. The keels, the keels. Oh yeah, I drink it. I let my hair grow out
pretty intensely when I’m not hooking up
and then when I feel an impending hooking up,
that’s when I shave it all off. And that’s a lot of clean
up in your bath ’cause once it drains like
there’s a ring of hair around. Oh yeah, yep.
It looks like you … it’s a lot of clean up
and I thrust that on Equinox. I go that’s what I’m paying for
is to damage their … Absolutely. That lady with
the suck vac walking around. Oh, the suck vac, yes. Do you ever do this
when you’re done? I’m like put that on my clit. Clean my pubes, people!
Hello! I was doing Brazilians
for the longest … No more. What about waxing? That’s it. He’s so stupid. I know, I was thinking
that joke. I didn’t even get it. Shuli G, February 27th. I was, I was thinking
about saying that joke. That’s a great joke.
Yeah, it was great. That was great, Shuli. So good, really good. Thanks guys, I’m outta here,
I gotta go jerk off. See you guys! See you at Equinox. You’re watching the Outtakes
with Nikki and Andrew. Are you using that as floss?
That is not okay. You share that with people,
that is a bag that you go, “Do you want any …”
repulsive. I used to do it with dog bags. Ew, it’s on his tooth. This isn’t a time to brag
about other bags you use, it’s a time to be like, “This never happens,
I needed it.” Anything can be floss,
anything can be floss. Yeah, when you have the gap
in your teeth like you’ve had. You’re … oh my God. We have to figure out what we’re
using on our social media pages. Okay, yeah. We have to go
through these pictures, we did a photo shoot, these are the pictures
that Noa has chosen. She went through ’em all for me
because I did not wanna judge. Yeah, you don’t like
doing those. No, I don’t. So these are the ones
we’ve selected and we just have to pick
which ones go where. We need one for like reception, so what do you want people
to see when they walk in? Like when they walk in here. Okay. So let’s look for that one. I’m dying for your input. No you’re not, you hate it. No, this is actually
interesting to me. That’s too hot, that’s like
if I was coming out with like a Shakira type single. Yeah, I don’t think that’s you. I get like you should
do something outside your comfort zone, like what people don’t expect,
I get that. So what are we looking for? What do you think
that is my vibe? I’ll find it. You’ll know it when you see it?
Well, we’re running out. How many did you do? Keep going. No. Why isn’t that my vibe?
Why isn’t that my vibe? I just think it’s like too much
of a smile, it’s too big of a smile. I’m a happy person. Are you? Yes. That is the vibe of the show,
we are having that much fun. Yes, that’s fun, I like that. That is me laughing at you. I like that more
than the other ones. Okay. No. I like that. That’s the one, I like that
one the best so far. Yeah. I see like You Up with Nikki
Glaser on the side. Because that’s fun,
it’s also sexy, it’s like … I don’t know,
I like that one. The way you say sexy
couldn’t be said sexy … Sexier less? Sexy less.
Yeah. Say it again. You look so sexy there. Ew, I can see food. I can see it on your tongue,
it’s like a film. Yeah, I have … I learned to brush my tongue
though this year. That just got to you, that news? I had no idea.
Right. You brush your tongue? Yeah. I do it if I want
my breath to smell extra fresh. I like that one and that one,
these are my choices. What do you think? I like that one. So what do we need
to put them in? We need one for reception,
we need podcast art, and then we have to refresh
all our socials. Okay, okay. So I guess like three different
pictures out of these. Okay, so reception
I think should be this ’cause who cares? Why don’t I just look happy
and pretty, all my bosses
are walking around here, that’s who’s gonna see it.
Howard Stern might see this … Yeah. And be like she seems … I like it. You look fit. This could be good for … I honestly am trying
to think now what would Howard
Stern want for me? Yes, let’s do it that way. That one’s strong. Wait, that one.
I think that one, that’s it. That one’s also good.
That’s it. Yeah, I said that one. Okay, yes. That’s the … I have a good eye,
believe it or not, I think I have a good eye.
That one’s good. Yeah, this one. This one for … Howard? For Howard, for our banner,
and then podcast is that one. And then what did we need
something else for? Socials. Socials. I think that
for socials. Thank you.
Yay. Do you want it to be worse? Do you want me to like
really pick apart the picture? Yeah, go hard, go hard on one. No way, I would never. Let’s just do it.
Huh? Go hard on one.
Okay. Go hard on these. I can’t. What’s wrong with this? No, well first of all,
your thumb is in your belt loop. Yeah, that’s cool,
that’s a cool look. That means
I’m coming out with … How many people have you met ever that put their thumb
in their belt loop? So many models. That’s a thing? That’s a model pose,
I’ll do it right now. Yeah, yeah. It’s a comfortable … Oh, yeah?
You’re gonna jump on this? This whole time
I’ve had it like this! No way. Yeah, she was that way
the whole time. Alright.
Okay. Um, I don’t know, I don’t like
doing this. This is not … Wait, what could you say
that’s bad about this? There’s nothing bad about it. I have every piece of confidence
in this piece of work. I think you look great. Okay. What’s the issue with it? I don’t wanna … I don’t know,
nothing. Just you say I don’t want to,
it’s not that you don’t know. What are you gonna say? No, no, no, no. I don’t think
anything wrong with it. I’m asking you to be
the meanest you can be. No way, you don’t want that. Well, don’t be the meanest
but just be honest. Okay … I can’t do it. Do it. Huh? I don’t like … I have like the tautest stomach,
there’s no stomach issue that you could ever
find with me. There’s no stomach issue, the bellybutton’s
kinda interesting. My bellybutton is awesome.
You can say whatever you want, you could have any opinion about
my bellybutton, it is awesome. I think this is great. What’s wrong
with my bellybutton? I don’t know, nothing.
Let me see yours. I just feel like a bellybutton
coming just like showing the midriff
is just like … Too much. It’s like a little much. Yeah, I agree with you
that it’s too much. But my bellybutton is … My belly would look
ridiculous if I was … right. It would just be hair
with skin coming over … Some people have
gross bellybuttons and I’m not one of them. If I have anything,
I have gross so many things … I think when it’s just
a bellybutton. I think if it was like in a … I’m not gonna zoom, this isn’t
gonna be our Instagram square. But this accentuates
the bellybutton … because I see
so much bellybutton here because it’s all … It’s that small, wat am I supposed to do,
a half belly button? What’re you supposed to do,
a crescent bellybutton? I’m gonna get a text later, “What the fuck is wrong
with my bellybutton?” No, I’m not.
I know, I’m kidding. My bellybutton literally
is perfect. No, it’s a nice bellybutton. I was just gonna say like
Andrew’s probably not used to seeing your bellybutton
so he’s like honed in on it and that’s what’s making him
feel different. Yeah. And maybe
it’s winter time. You look so good
in all of these. Thank you, Noa. I know that like you have
a different perspective but just … No, I appreciate you. But just like move over Taylor. Thank you.
Move over, Taylor Dane. Taylor Ketchum? Is that who you were
talking about? No, I won’t let it go. Stare into it, stare into it. Oh, please don’t, actually,
that really grosses me out. Maybe if I just zoom in on it,
zoom in on it. No, no, no, no. Maybe if it was
only bellybutton. Good, I’m glad he doesn’t know
how to do it. Andrew’s learning computers. Remember this thing
in the middle here? Yeah, like the keyboard clit? Oh, there we go. Now this … Oh, dear God. See? I’m gonna send, go,
zoo in again. Just having a staring contest
with it. Ask people what it is. That’s a good question. Like it’s one of those things
if you zoom in close enough, it looks like a cave drawing.
Wait, hold on. People are gonna go,
you’ve gotta stitch that up. That needs stitches. That looks like
your cavernous asshole. Yeah, that looks like your
asshole after a clean shave. That could be a poll
that we put up. Like they can’t see the button. What is this? What is this? Yeah, what … It looks like a dying kokopelli.
You know those kokopellis? It looks like an empty eyeball. Yeah, it does.
It looks like a twig … That looks like what my penis
looked like the other day when the doctor threw up. What? God. That’s what your penis
looked like? Just a side of it.
Like on the balls area. Oh, God. I still have
the utmost confidence in it. But if you zoom in on anything
closely, it’s gonna be bad. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah. I’m with you on that. Like even just a slight zoom in
on you makes it so much worse. Oh, if you saw
all my blackheads. Oh no, I just mean like
just a full face. Yeah, take a picture. Take a picture of my nose
right now, let’s zoom in on it. You’ll probably see hair,
a black head, let’s see. Oh God. Hold on. Whoa. Whoa. Oh no. There’s a strawberry fields
forever. Dude, sorry, sorry.
Dude, that is so terrible. I mean, all of our faces
would look like this. What would you rather? Dude, what is that? That’s you, dude. Oh my God. That is you. No, just zooming. That … humiliating. You asked for that,
why would you ask for that? That’s the best. The fact that you let us do that
to you was really nice of you. Thank you. Yeah, it was quite a sacrifice.
And it was well worth, I mean, I’m going to use
that zoom in of your face for so many different
purposes.

60 thoughts on “The Ups and Downs of Anxiety Blankets – You Up w/ Nikki Glaser

  1. Quindarious Gooch Post author

    Nikki Glaser is a stupid blonde bimbo who needs to mind her own business and not call people out on their ticks like that. Really insensitive and I could see Andrew didn’t appreciate it

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  2. Quindarious Gooch Post author

    This podcast is shit compared to Joe Rogan or even the H3 podcast

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  3. Quindarious Gooch Post author

    My my I can’t even say it enough this shit is so cringe and fake I can’t even watch it. Step up your game I tell you, this is truly pathetic

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  4. zDidoxD Post author

    Thought this was Brandi Love just from the thumbnail

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  5. TheOriginalMyocardia Post author

    Jewish Tourettes!!!! That's funny as fuck.:D

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  6. Noone Ofconcern Post author

    Give "The Bonfire" a raise! Best show on Sirius. Crackle crackle mother fucker.

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  7. Amp Amp Post author

    If Nikki were fun all the time, or at least even tempered, and younger, she would be a good catch; but the energy bar story is the tell of hell. Just another female. I've seen it all. I have 5 insane Irish (i.e. The Taming of the Shrew) sisters and a feminazi mom. To get along with a woman I think each party needs a diplomatic attache, and there should be a full time judge. I once went to marriage counseling, and my wife picked the counselor. So, naturally, he had to put on a good show for her at first, but he knew who was paying the bill. So, after a few sessions, he turned on her; and that was the end of counseling. He did have a great idea. He suggested she save up all of her neurotic gripes for a once per week bitch session to last 1 hour. I put the timer on the kitchen table, and she always took the whole hour. Then I would take a deep breath and say: "I'm sorry you feel that way.".

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  8. Brad Dixon Post author

    The fuck, I have the same tattoo
    Edit: https://imgur.com/a/B8gRMrr

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  9. Rustknuckle Irongut Post author

    Unsure if Nikki looks like 24 year old former pornstar that had a really rough career or 47 year old nurse that had a really chill career.

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  10. Failed Multishots Post author

    Na that fools hoping she would smash

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  11. DARK WOLF Post author

    Support animal… he's cute… only support animal you can date😆😆😆 and Karen I'll fight you🙂maybe next summer cause I'm busy till then

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  12. John Doe Post author

    Holy shit. George Washington hopped off the dollar bill, put on a blonde wig, and is now hosting a radio show. Bitch look like George Washington.

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  13. Chad Petzinger Post author

    What is the other womans name (not Nikki)?

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  14. rizerek Post author

    Wow, they dumped on that dude Andrew so much; it actually stopped being funny, and I started to think they were all assholes.

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  15. Anthony Chisholm Post author

    These are professional comics? Bring back Roseanne and Louis

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  16. Trevor Brubaker Post author

    Shut up Nikki my pussy hangs down glazer

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  17. Siri Olsen Post author

    Anyone with anxiety could look into heavy metals being an underlying issue, as it is often caused by mercury toxicity. I would really recommend anyone who want to look into the Andrew Cutler Protocol. This is the ONLY safe protocol to this date, eating things like chlorella and cilantro has made people very very sick. Please read the child recovering stories by googling "andy cutler success stories child" and the adult ones by googling "andy cutler success stories adult" and google"andy cutler rebecca rust lee weston price" for a great article about mercury toxicity and the protocol, and also see the website "fight autism and win". But the best place to learn and get support is trough the Facebook group «Andy Cutler Chelation: Safe Mercury and Heavy Metal Detox». Wish you he best!

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  18. James Lynch Post author

    As someone with anxiety, I feel bad for this dude. He's going through a lot in this clip that I bet many people wouldn't pick up on.

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  19. MissStevenSmith Post author

    Those two should bang! If Nikki doesn't want to hit that, I would be glad to get my hands of Andrew 😀

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  20. Adrienne M Post author

    If i had to sit next to her for an extended period of time, i would most definitely have anxiety. Her energy is fucking manic

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  21. Steven Hochstatter Post author

    The finger thing means he's talking to himself.

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  22. Bobby the Wedge Post author

    I'd help you make some content for pornhub, Nikki. xD

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  23. TittiSprinkle Post author

    Andrew is a co host on a podcast called Happy Never After, if yall want to hear more of him

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  24. c dink Post author

    This guy gives her so much she needs….and then she gets her pocket rocket out and robs him of the rewards he's so valiantly earned.

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  25. Douhghlie04 Post author

    Andrew and Nikki spend so much time together. Question is when are they gonna bang?! Get it over already seesh!

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  26. Douhghlie04 Post author

    Andrew is so fortunate. To be that close to Nikki and get a first hand account of all her hottest pictures, I mean I'd have at the very least a half a chubster, and Nikki sitting that close making sexy faces. The man has a heart of stone or balls of steel. I mean how does anyone not have the hots for Nikki.

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  27. G T Post author

    Lol, "Nikki is a top 10 search on PornHub"?? I can see that! I wish… no content? No way that's a major challenge! Sign me up, Nikki!

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  28. Garrett Orr Post author

    It’s prob being searched a lot cus of deep fakes!

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  29. MosesPlays Post author

    That 'jewish torrette' remark at the beginning was so fkn disgusting and racist,fuck that guy for thinking its funny. really.

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  30. Draft416 Post author

    Guys omg Nikki is gonna tell us about this one time when she hooked up with a guy I can't wait I bet it's super edgy she's dangerous and she has a lot of topics

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  31. IvanGotYokes Post author

    I can't fucking stand either of these cunts who think they are funny.

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  32. CardSnark Ink Post author

    I don't know if anyone from the show reads these comments, but the hand motions Andrew is doing could be considered "pill rolling" which can be a Parkinson's disease symptom

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  33. William Landys Post author

    Damn I've always been able to relate to nikki she's a dream girlfriend I have no idea how she hasn't got a good guy

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  34. Thomas Harfst Post author

    Seems like Andrew is an anxiety blanket for Nikki. I've seen it happen to someone else with anxiety, they like having a 'comfort' person. It's a hard job.

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  35. Woodstock Ross Post author

    You could totally post on pornhub no porn or nudity and direct them in the info section to your podcasts and social media. Just one more way to drive traffic. I remember Dane Cook played a practical joke on someone who loved watching porn on tour by having two actors act out a scene and in the middle of it he had the comics parents walk through the scene and tell him to "stop watching porn"

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  36. Himanshu Rawat Post author

    Maybe because he loves you secretly Nikky.

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  37. Nattanun Sangkasaba Post author

    Andrew made a right move I first watch Niki from JRE. Thank for B…wjob advice. It is universally work.

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  38. Lewis M Post author

    I do that finger thing at the beginning of the video, I relate to that very much haha

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  39. Robert Banker Post author

    fucking Shuli– just brings the conversation to a screeching hault

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  40. Mike L Post author

    He loves her. She doesn't live him. Sad day

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  41. Lindeberg Post author

    I really like Andrew. He seems like a great guy.

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  42. Mat S Post author

    what is it with americans that they CANT HANDLE alcohol?

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  43. Thezuule Post author

    If I were under an anxiety blanket, with Nikki, I'm sure I would feel a lot better about most things.

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